4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. ( Titus 2:4-6).
Women the way they are wired often don't listen to men on this subject of "submission" but if they can see examples of it; marriages can be saved in the long run. That leads me to my next suggestion
4) Have agreed and strict limits on social contacts; online AND in person. Billy Graham set the bar with not entering elevators with women; and my former Pastor also instructed me not to meet women alone as long as my divorce wasn't final (I would argue beyond that as to my own view on the subject).
This caused another fatal flaw in my own situation; as others who were divorced and independent became influences with my wife; no doubt convincing her that it was ok to pursue her own goals which were influenced for quite some time by her friend at work who eventually became her lover. Trouble at work has brought down many marriages as it brings a convenient situation to have routine clandestine meetings that lead to affairs.
There are other ideas related to money and boundaries with in laws and other family members that should be dealt with before entering a marriage. Nonetheless there are many already married who are going through things they probably didn't plan for as I see periodically on this site. As to the situation in the earlier post; my friend's advice was to mention how husbands should basically sacrificially love their wives; and he is still praying for reconciliation and volunteering to help this man's wife with repairs that her estranged husband won't put the money into.
As with my situation we can do what's right and for the rest of our lives find no reconciliation; but nonetheless we can release bitterness and blame that will eat us like a cancer.
I agree that many women find that section of Scripture difficult in today's social environment.
It was not hard for me because I believed that God's ways are better than when the world touts as far as what is expected of married women and where we get our "power" from-not ourselves or from "doing it all" or "pursuing my career" or having a 50/50 sharing of home responsibilities.
But I see the so much tension in marriages now with people being guarded as to possibly being 'taken advantage of" or being "taken for granted" or being "put upon" in ways that are impossible to satisfy. This distrust between spouses is a very serious matter and ruins many marriages.
And with the economy as it is, it is so difficult for women to stay home with their children and be able to pay all the bills for necessary expenses. And I know many young women who do not want to stay home with their children because they love their job so much or the comrades at work are too important to leave. So sad that t comes down to that for some.
Anyway, just thought I would chime in. Hope you are doing ok with your parents.
I was really hoping to get some input as to church counsel and other supports of marriage. I have argued here before that whenever there is trouble in a marriage there should be a disciplinary procedure and some sort of counselling available. It may be important enough that it should be included in church membership; as to some sort of agreement following the principal in Corinthians ( 1 Cor. 6:7) specifically. Truth be told; let's be honest many Pastors themselves have marriages gone sour or are remarried (as was the case with one of my Pastors in a church that closed about 6 or 7 years ago due to lack of attendance with the older demographics; etc. I may have mentioned it here at some point; when I pressed him it apparently wasn't even infidelity but some issue with drugs or something where he felt justified for his remarriage to be "kept in line". I actually was going to attend a local church the first time where the lady that led me to the Lord along with his son back in 1982; and when I left he was having a conversation with someone asking how his divorce was going. It may be the reason the guy who was my best friend in high school didn't want to keep up communication claiming it was a good church.
My friend in the situation I mentioned has helped this other guy who has separated with things; the latest being moving a tree in his backyard that he didn't want to pay for. He has befriended this guy for years; had he and his wife live with them for a time; etc. He is praying for reconciliation. God has given him a Deacon position in his church and would there be more people like he is. Hebrews 3:12 warns us of a hardness of heart leading to unbelief. 1 Corinthians 13 shows us how love should be; and it is a nice gift to give a married couple so they can meditate on these truths. In this case as well my friend has talked with this guy's wife so that she won't be tempted to harden her heart should the Lord change this guy as is the prayer.
Not sure if you are a man or woman; not that I need to know; it is hard of course as it was for my ex to listen to scriptures on women being submissive; etc.
I have stated before that counseling in churches before marriage is helpful but may be hard to find; I would think it would be more common in the Reformed church; or OPC where I got my counselling after separating from my wife (something I should have done a lot sooner). "Irreconcilable differences" I suppose was the wording in my divorce papers. In terms of "communication issues" it has been said that is a lame term; probably in part because there is enough yelling that the point should get across from either party in such matters but no one really has a heart to listen.
Of course we all need to consider Jeremiah 17:9 on the state of the heart. Also; of course the concept of a church being a family of sorts was something I am partially responsible for messing up as shortly after we were married we moved away from her home town and stopped being involved in church. Her support system was something that was never fully restored when we moved back again to Pittsburgh but I also was noncommittal and too wrapped up on eschatological issues since they were rather adamantly Post-Mil. As an immature believer at that time I made a lot of mistakes; so I do thank God that now I am able to have been more involved with evangelism; and made a true commitment as a church member; etc.
The fact is; with her working with this guy for nearly 12 years before the "crap hit the fan" or I finally became aware of her infidelity what happened may have been inevitable. Also in eternity it is worth following the Lord now and any sacrifices that need to be made. Overall; I have stated on this site at least one time if not more that there is a blessing to the covenant of marriage and on the flipside; I believe divorce started family decay which has led to the abyssmal state of society overall today.
All I can say is wow, that is real about the realities of marriage. Marriage is a very serious covenant ordained by God. God honors marriage. Having been married, and widowed myself, I learned that open and honest communication along with prayer will help the marriage to work. As believers, we should love what God loves. Many have come to a conclusion of irreconcilable differences. Before a couple gets married irreconcilable differences should be discovered and sorted out. If differences are sorted out during courtship or engagement then not only can divorce be avoided and God honored but the couple may change and discover that they should not pursue marriage a particular person. Some times believers wanting a spouse may feel that God has forgotten them or that they can't seem to find the right spouse. God, our Farther, creator of the heavens and earth, knows where a believer is and has the power to make the believer know who their ordained spouse is if a believer will be patience and seek God for his will concerning their marriage journey.
I also, believe that God deals first with the man, who he should marry, then with the woman who she should accept. So a woman doesn't have to go about searching or hunting for a husband. God will reveal to each man and each woman and will make His will clear to both, collectively and as individuals as they seek God.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 KJV
Seeking God is so very vital because the adversary is always awork interfering with not only marriages but those that God has ordained to be married. "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10 KJV
Marriages where the husband and wife are working together in the household is vital to Christendom and makes a strong foundation for communities.
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. ( Titus 2:4-6).
Women the way they are wired often don't listen to men on this subject of "submission" but if they can see examples of it; marriages can be saved in the long run. That leads me to my next suggestion
4) Have agreed and strict limits on social contacts; online AND in person. Billy Graham set the bar with not entering elevators with women; and my former Pastor also instructed me not to meet women alone as long as my divorce wasn't final (I would argue beyond that as to my own view on the subject).
This caused another fatal flaw in my own situation; as others who were divorced and independent became influences with my wife; no doubt convincing her that it was ok to pursue her own goals which were influenced for quite some time by her friend at work who eventually became her lover. Trouble at work has brought down many marriages as it brings a convenient situation to have routine clandestine meetings that lead to affairs.
There are other ideas related to money and boundaries with in laws and other family members that should be dealt with before entering a marriage. Nonetheless there are many already married who are going through things they probably didn't plan for as I see periodically on this site. As to the situation in the earlier post; my friend's advice was to mention how husbands should basically sacrificially love their wives; and he is still praying for reconciliation and volunteering to help this man's wife with repairs that her estranged husband won't put the money into.
As with my situation we can do what's right and for the rest of our lives find no reconciliation; but nonetheless we can release bitterness and blame that will eat us like a cancer.
I agree that many women find that section of Scripture difficult in today's social environment.
It was not hard for me because I believed that God's ways are better than when the world touts as far as what is expected of married women and where we get our "power" from-not ourselves or from "doing it all" or "pursuing my career" or having a 50/50 sharing of home responsibilities.
But I see the so much tension in marriages now with people being guarded as to possibly being 'taken advantage of" or being "taken for granted" or being "put upon" in ways that are impossible to satisfy. This distrust between spouses is a very serious matter and ruins many marriages.
And with the economy as it is, it is so difficult for women to stay home with their children and be able to pay all the bills for necessary expenses. And I know many young women who do not want to stay home with their children because they love their job so much or the comrades at work are too important to leave. So sad that t comes down to that for some.
Anyway, just thought I would chime in. Hope you are doing ok with your parents.
My friend in the situation I mentioned has helped this other guy who has separated with things; the latest being moving a tree in his backyard that he didn't want to pay for. He has befriended this guy for years; had he and his wife live with them for a time; etc. He is praying for reconciliation. God has given him a Deacon position in his church and would there be more people like he is. Hebrews 3:12 warns us of a hardness of heart leading to unbelief. 1 Corinthians 13 shows us how love should be; and it is a nice gift to give a married couple so they can meditate on these truths. In this case as well my friend has talked with this guy's wife so that she won't be tempted to harden her heart should the Lord change this guy as is the prayer.
I have stated before that counseling in churches before marriage is helpful but may be hard to find; I would think it would be more common in the Reformed church; or OPC where I got my counselling after separating from my wife (something I should have done a lot sooner). "Irreconcilable differences" I suppose was the wording in my divorce papers. In terms of "communication issues" it has been said that is a lame term; probably in part because there is enough yelling that the point should get across from either party in such matters but no one really has a heart to listen.
Of course we all need to consider Jeremiah 17:9 on the state of the heart. Also; of course the concept of a church being a family of sorts was something I am partially responsible for messing up as shortly after we were married we moved away from her home town and stopped being involved in church. Her support system was something that was never fully restored when we moved back again to Pittsburgh but I also was noncommittal and too wrapped up on eschatological issues since they were rather adamantly Post-Mil. As an immature believer at that time I made a lot of mistakes; so I do thank God that now I am able to have been more involved with evangelism; and made a true commitment as a church member; etc.
The fact is; with her working with this guy for nearly 12 years before the "crap hit the fan" or I finally became aware of her infidelity what happened may have been inevitable. Also in eternity it is worth following the Lord now and any sacrifices that need to be made. Overall; I have stated on this site at least one time if not more that there is a blessing to the covenant of marriage and on the flipside; I believe divorce started family decay which has led to the abyssmal state of society overall today.
Agape. Rich P
I also, believe that God deals first with the man, who he should marry, then with the woman who she should accept. So a woman doesn't have to go about searching or hunting for a husband. God will reveal to each man and each woman and will make His will clear to both, collectively and as individuals as they seek God.
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 KJV
Seeking God is so very vital because the adversary is always awork interfering with not only marriages but those that God has ordained to be married. "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10 KJV
Marriages where the husband and wife are working together in the household is vital to Christendom and makes a strong foundation for communities.
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